When there is a person in the family who does not believe, it can be one of the hardest trials for a faithful believer. Ellen White addressed this question more than once — and her answer always begins not with methods, but with principles.
First: influence through character, not through pressure
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.” 1 Pet 3:1
White echoes this principle: pressure, lectures, and the demand to “be converted” often close the heart. But patient love, which a person sees every day, opens it. An unbelieving loved one watches how you respond in crisis, whether you know heaven in everyday life, whether there is something real in you — and not only words.
Second: prayer, not manipulation
White emphasized: do not try to convert — pray. Only the Holy Spirit can change the heart. Your task is to be faithful to God and love the person. The rest is in His hands.
- Pray specifically, mentioning your loved one by name.
- Do not demand speed from God — He works in His own time.
- Trust is part of prayer: “Lord, I entrust [name] to You.”
Third: do not set God against the family
White warned against an extreme: a person should not be forced to choose between “family” and “faith” — unless it is a real moral conflict. Family and faithfulness to God can and should coexist. Love for an unbelieving loved one is not weakness, but a testimony.
“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?” 1 Cor 7:16
White believed that in families where there is at least one person with living faith — there is hope. Not because of that person’s words, but because of that person’s presence.
