"How should 9 / 40 days / a year after death be counted?" is a question asked by almost everyone who arranges a memorial meal. It seems simple, but different traditions count differently, and a one-day mistake can create family conflict. Here is how it is usually counted in Ukrainian tradition, whether this matters from a biblical point of view, and why the main thing is not the date, but the heart.
How it is usually counted in Ukraine
The generally accepted rule in most Ukrainian traditions:
- The day of death is the first day. If a person died on Monday, Monday is the 1st day.
- The 9th day is the 9th day inclusive of the day of death. That is, if someone died on Monday the 1st, the 9th day is the following Tuesday the 9th.
- The 40th day is counted by the same logic. Monday the 1st + 39 days = Wednesday the 11th of the next month (on the calendar).
- A year (the anniversary) is the same day and month in the following year.
Some regions count differently: "the 1st day is the day after death." Then the 9th day is the tenth calendar day from death. The difference is one day, but the family may quarrel over it.
A simple calculator
The simplest way not to make a mistake:
- Write down the day of death: day A.
- The 9th day = add 8 days to A. (Because the day of death itself is the 1st day, plus 8 = the 9th.)
- The 40th day = add 39 days to A.
- A year = the same day and month one year later.
Example: a person died on May 10. Then:
- 9th day: May 18.
- 40th day: June 18.
- Year: May 10 of the following year.
If your relatives follow a different tradition (the day of death is not counted), add 1 day to the 9th and 40th. It is better to ask the priest of your local parish what is customary in your region.
Why 9 days and 40 days — where the numbers come from
People often ask where exactly these numbers come from. The honest answer is: specifically, “9 days” and “40 days” are not described in the Bible as a rite. This is a church tradition, partly rooted in:
- 9 — a symbol of the nine orders of angels. A popular theological interpretation says that on the 9th day the soul “is among the angels.” The Bible does not say this.
- 40 — a biblical number of fasting and dedication. Moses spent 40 days on the mountain, Jesus 40 days in the wilderness, Elijah 40 days on the road. From this, the church connected 40 days with a period when “the soul prepares for judgment.”
From a biblical point of view, however, the soul does not “travel for 9–40 days.” The soul sleeps until the resurrection (Eccl. 9:5, John 11:11). So what does the memorial rite mean?
What memorial meals really mean
A memorial meal is a family gathering, not a spiritual rite. Its real value is:
- It unites the family. People who usually do not see each other gather around one table. This brings healing.
- It gives space for grief. The first shock passes, but grief remains. Memorial gatherings make it possible again to cry together and talk.
- It preserves memory. Everyone shares a memory. In this way, the person continues to “live” — in the memories and character of those whose lives they touched.
- It makes death a reality. A memorial meal is a step toward acceptance: “he/she is no longer in this world, but remains in our heart.”
In other words, memorial gatherings are needed for us, the living, not for the deceased. It is a gesture of love and formation — teaching the family to honor memory.
Can memorial gatherings be held earlier
Yes. If the 9th/40th day falls on a weekday, and the family can gather only on the weekend, it is normal to move it to the nearest Saturday/Sunday. God is not fixated on a specific date. Meaning is more important than form.
Likewise, the other way around: if someone cannot come on the 9th day but comes on the 10th, it is not “ruined.” Memorial gatherings are for community, not for an astronomical rite.
Should you go to church on the 9th / 40th day
The Bible does not require it. But a church memorial service is not an “obligation to the soul,” but a moment of prayer together with the church community. If this helps the family, that is good. If it is just formality, a simple meal at home may be deeper.
It is not worth pressuring those who came: “You were not in church on the 40th day.” The Bible gives freedom. God looks at the heart.
What to say on the 40th day — short memorial words
If you have been asked to say “words of remembrance,” here are short texts that sound appropriate:
“Forty days have passed since [name] has not been with us physically. But [his/her] life remains in us — in the way [he/she] loved us, taught us, and knew how to be close. I thank God for the years we had. And I believe that the day of resurrection will come, when we will see each other again. Until we meet again.”
Or more briefly:
“Forty days is too little time to get used to living without [name]. But we remember: ‘Let us not grieve as others who have no hope’ (1 Thess. 4:13). God promised the resurrection. Until that meeting, we remember [him/her] every day.”
If someone cries during the words, that is normal. Pause, give yourself and them a moment, then continue.
If relatives argue about the “correct” date
This is a common situation. One part of the family says, “The 9th day is today,” the other says, “No, tomorrow.” Principles for resolving it:
- Do not argue. It no longer matters to the deceased on which day you gathered. The heart is more important than the date.
- Ask the priest, if there is one. He will give the local standard.
- Choose a compromise. If there is no agreement, choose a day when the majority can gather.
- Do not let a “date” destroy unity. God does not measure our love by the calendar.
Most importantly
Practically speaking: count simply. The day of death = day 1. Add 8 — that is the 9th. Add 39 — that is the 40th. A year is the same date the following year.
Spiritually: remember that the date itself is less important than a living connection with the family and with memory. God does not judge us by ritual precision. He looks at the heart.
“The Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Sam 16:7
Questions about memorial meals
If you have a specific question right now — how to organize things, what to say, how to agree with the family — ask our AI assistant below. It will help you find your way.
