Child rearing, according to Ellen White, is a sacred ministry of parents before God.
It consists not only of rules and behavior correction, but of the daily formation of a child’s character through love, example, prayer, work, and wise discipline.
Ellen G. White consistently called the family the child’s first school. It is at home that habits are formed, attitudes toward God and people are shaped, self-control is learned, truthfulness is taught, and duties are carried out responsibly. The church and the school can support parents, but they cannot replace their personal, daily influence.
The home as the first school of character
In the books “Child Guidance,” “The Adventist Home,” and “Education,” Ellen White emphasizes that parents are the first teachers. A child learns not only from explanations, but above all by observing. The tone of the parents’ voices, their reaction to offense, their attitude toward work, honesty in little things, respect between husband and wife—all of this trains the child every day.
The biblical principle of family education is to speak about God’s truth naturally, in the ordinary rhythm of life, and not only during worship services.
“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deut. 6:6–7
White reminds us that child rearing begins with the upbringing of the parents themselves. It is impossible to convincingly teach a child gentleness if shouting and humiliation rule in the home; it is hard to instill truthfulness if adults themselves neglect the truth. Her well-known thought from “Child Guidance” is this: the early training of children requires careful study, because their future depends to a great extent on the education received in childhood. At the same time, parents must themselves preserve purity of heart and life (Child Guidance, p. 27).
Begin early, act consistently
Ellen White does not advise waiting until a child becomes a teenager and then trying to quickly correct habits that have already formed. The early years are an especially important time for developing obedience, self-control, neatness, gratitude, diligence, and respect for others. This does not mean excessive severity or demands that are inappropriate for the child’s age. Parents should teach patiently, repeat, explain, and themselves show a good example.
The apostle Paul addresses not only children, but parents as well. The authority of the adult should be directed toward spiritual growth, not toward suppressing the child’s personality.
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Eph 6:4
Consistency is especially important. If a rule applies today but is canceled tomorrow because of fatigue or a desire to avoid conflict, the child does not learn responsibility. According to White, order in the home is not cold formality: it creates security, helps the child understand boundaries, and prepares them for independent life.
Love and discipline must be inseparable
White warned against both cruelty and blind leniency. Love does not mean allowing everything. Parents who do not teach a child obedience, respect, and responsibility deprive them of an important moral compass. Yet discipline should not be the result of anger. Shouting, shaming, insulting words, and physical harshness destroy trust and distort a child’s understanding of the Heavenly Father.
The Bible shows that true love cares about correction, but God’s discipline always has a saving purpose.
“For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives!” Heb 12:6
In practical terms, this means: first calm down, listen to the child, briefly explain what the mistake was, determine a fair consequence, and after that assure them of your love. The goal of discipline is not to “defeat” the child, but to teach them to distinguish between good and evil, ask forgiveness, and make the right choice.
Spiritual upbringing takes place every day
In Ellen White’s view, family religion should be living. Prayer together, Bible reading, giving thanks for food, talking about the day’s experiences, and a kind atmosphere help a child see that God is near in every circumstance. But formal religious habits cannot replace sincerity. Children quickly notice whether their parents’ words agree with their lives.
White gave a special place to teaching children to work, serve others, and spend time in nature. Age-appropriate work develops usefulness and self-respect; service forms compassion; nature directs the mind to the Creator. She also advised protecting children from harmful influences, not by isolating them from the world, but by teaching them to make wise choices.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6
Hope for imperfect parents
The high ideal of Christian child-rearing should not lead parents to despair. No family is without fault. Ellen White directs parents to dependence on Christ: acknowledge your mistakes before your children, ask forgiveness, pray for wisdom, and begin again. Such sincerity also shapes character.
God promises to give wisdom to those who ask Him in faith.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
Thus, in Ellen White’s writings, raising children is patient discipleship in the family, where Christ is the center. A practical step for parents today: choose one trait you want to develop in your child—for example, gratitude, truthfulness, or obedience—and throughout the week show it daily by your own example, discuss it with your child, and pray about it together.
