“Memorial words for the 40th day” is something everyone ends up having to find when gathering the family 40 days after the death of a loved one. Ordinary phrases sound empty, and your own words do not come together. Here you will find a structure for a memorial message, ready examples for different situations, and what should be avoided on a day when it still hurts, but the first shock is already gone.
How the 40th day is different from the funeral
A memorial message on the 40th day is not the same as a funeral speech. The difference is this:
- At the funeral — words of farewell, the first ones, with the shock still fresh. The voice trembles. Often brief.
- On the 40th day — words of remembrance. The first 40 days have given time to “get used to the fact.” Now it is possible to speak more deeply, more calmly, with greater clarity.
This does not mean that tears are bad. It means that the 40th day is a moment when you can say something that would have been hard to say at the funeral.
Structure of a memorial message for the 40th day
As at a funeral—3–5 minutes, no more. A 4-part structure:
- Opening address. “Dear family, friends, and everyone who came today.”
- What we have lived through in these 40 days. How memory has unfolded, what has changed in our family, what we have learned without [name].
- What [name] taught us. Something specific that remains alive from him/her.
- Biblical hope. A reminder that this is not a final farewell. That the day of resurrection will come.
Sample memorial message — general
“Dear family and friends.
Today it has been 40 days since [name] has been physically absent from us. In this time, much has changed. The first days were hard—it seemed as though this was not reality, but a dream we would wake up from any moment. After a week came the true painful realization: [he/she] is gone, will not return, will not call, will not stop by to visit.
After a month—something else. The pain did not disappear, but it became deeper, quieter. We learned to live with the emptiness in the place where he/she had always been.
I want to thank everyone who was with us during these 40 days. Those who came, called, brought food, sat beside us in silence. That is real love—not in the moment when everything is fine, but when there is nothing to say and yet someone is there to be with you.
And I want to speak about [name]. In these 40 days I have understood something I had not noticed before. [Specifically—for example, how she held the whole family together; how he taught patience; how she was always the first person we came to with our pain].
He/She left us an inheritance. Not a material one—that is less important. But an inheritance of character, of skills for living, loving, and forgiving. I want to carry that inheritance forward. I want my children to know their grandmother/grandfather/mother/father through the way I myself live.
The Bible says: “Do not sorrow as others who have no hope” (1 Thess 4:13). We do grieve—but with hope. For the day will come when Christ returns and those who died in faith will awaken. I hold on to that promise.
Until that meeting, [name]. We remember you. We love you. We are waiting.»
Sample — for mother
“Mom.
40 days. Every morning I wake up and remember all over again. I am still not used to the fact that you will not call at 10:00, as you always did.
In these weeks I have realized how much you carried. Not only the home—but the whole family. With your prayer, your presence, your patience. You did not ask for “thank you”—you simply did it. And we took it for granted.
Now I see it. And, Mom, I want to be like you. Not just to remember—but to live the way you taught me: honestly, kindly, with God.
Thank you for the prayers you offered for me. I know they are still working. God hears the prayers of mothers even when mother already sleeps in the Lord.
The Bible says that the dead are asleep, and they will awaken when Christ returns. I hold on to that. See you, Mom.
I love you.»
Sample — for father
“Dad.
40 days—and I still haven’t gotten used to you being gone. I speak to you in my thoughts, then remember—and hear only silence.
But one thing remains. What you passed on to me. [Specifically—how to work, how to treat people, how not to give up, how to love Mom, how to raise children].
I did not always listen to you. Sometimes you said things that seemed to me “too old-fashioned.” Now I see that you were right. In most of what truly mattered—you were right.
Dad, thank you. For everything you taught me. For every time you watched over me when I thought I was handling things on my own. For the quiet prayer you lifted for us every evening.
The Bible promises that the day of resurrection will come. Then we will see each other again—and I will tell you how I carried your lessons forward. Until that meeting, Dad.
I love you. Very much.»
Sample—for a husband
“40 days.
I thought it would get easier. That I would get used to it. I haven’t. Every morning without you is a new beginning without you. Every evening is an empty kitchen without your cup of tea.
But I have learned one thing: you made me stronger than I was. All the years we lived together, you gave me something I did not notice: the confidence that I could do it. Now, without you, I see—I can. Because that is how you raised me.
Thank you for the years. For every morning coffee. For every argument after which we still made peace. For the children we raised together. For every time you saw me broken—and simply stayed beside me without asking “why.”
The Lord promised that you are asleep—and will awaken when Christ returns. I live waiting for that day. I hold on to it as my last hope.
Until we meet again, my love.»
Sample—for a child
The hardest of all. There are no words. But if you have decided to say something—you may say it like this:
“My child.
40 days. I have no words to describe this. This should never have happened to me. A child should not go before their parents.
But God did not explain “why” to me. I did not receive an answer. I do not know why this happened.
What I do know is that God has received [him/her]. The Bible says about children: “for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14). I believe this. [He/She] is now asleep in the Lord—and will awaken in the resurrection. And then I will embrace [him/her].
Until that meeting—I go on living because I must. Because I still have [other children/my mother/my duty]. But my heart is with [you], my child.
Wait for me. I will come.»
Sample—for a soldier
“40 days since we laid [name] to rest.
He could have lived longer. He had dreams. He had a family. But he made a choice—to stand between evil and his own people. And he paid for it.
During these 40 days we have thought about many things. About why he went. About how we will live without him. About how to live so that his sacrifice will not be in vain.
I have decided one thing: to live honestly. To live the way he would have wanted. Not to complain, but to act. To help those who are struggling. To raise children the way he would have raised them himself.
The Bible says: “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13). [Name] showed this love. I want to carry it forward.
Rest, brother-in-arms. We await the resurrection.»
What to avoid in a memorial speech
- “He/she is now in a better place” without explanation. It sounds like a cliché. If you want to speak of hope—refer to a specific biblical promise.
- “Time heals.” This is often not true. Time dulls the pain, but does not heal. What heals is God and loved ones.
- “Now he/she sees everything.” Biblically, this is not so. The dead sleep. Better: “the day will come when we will meet again.”
- “Don’t cry.” Do not say this. If others are crying—that is normal. Tears are healthy.
- Justifying the deceased’s “bad” traits. If the person had shortcomings—mention what was good. The rest—not today.
- Too long. 3–5 minutes is enough. Do not make listeners endure it.
Tips for writing your own words
- Write it 2–3 days before the gathering. Not “at the last moment.” Then there will be time to soften it, revise it.
- Read it aloud. Does it sound honest? Is it free of clichés? Does it fit within 3–5 minutes?
- Include one specific memory. One. One that shows the person’s character.
- Do not write a “speech.” Write a letter to the one who is no longer here. That sounds more honest.
- End with hope. Not a “farewell,” but biblically promised: resurrection.
- Keep the paper in your hands. Don’t try to do it “from memory.” Your voice will tremble. The paper is a backup.
Questions about memorial words
If it is hard for you to write about a specific person, or you do not know how to combine grief with hope, ask our AI assistant below. It will help you find the right words and Bible verses.
